The NBA is made up of beautiful well-dressed superstars who already graduated from All-Star Saturday School and are now enrolled in the NBA’s MVP Chatter and Chant School for the Gifted.
We will continue to wheel ourselves to the bar, belly tucked under the sticky stained table with our chin resting on or fist muttering, “man… MVP” and continuing to drive ourselves insane trying to figure this one out. Does the 4K Ultra HD TV raised above the row of Kettle One hold the real MVP of this season? Or is it the other crisp LED scattered with closed captioning reading “Crowd Chants: MVP. MVP. MVP.” the beholder?
Giannis is your best case and will probably win but he has a dingle-berry. Someone or something aggregating to the team that gives him the best argument to win MVP. Here are five tall strong men trying to pinch off a complete season without having to go back and re-wipe...
Giannis Antetokounmpo
(2018-2019)
72 GP - 12.5 TRB - 5.9 AST - 27.7 PTS
(2019-2020)
16 GP - 13.9 TRB - 6.4 AST - 29.9 PTS
The Bucks wiped away the wrong guard this last off-season by keeping Bledsoe and letting Brogden walk.
I wanted Brogden in a trade for Bledsoe before Bledsoe became a Buck. The Bucks were smart to keep him and deny the Suns the return. At the beginning of last year I would have traded Bledsoe for a second round pick or even Alex Len, making him my backup- backup center, behind the Lopez twins. That of course would never happen and just shows my dislikement for the man. With the brains of my Uncle Rob already in the old folks home, Bledsoe will not help you win a Championship but will help you win the MVP for the second year in a row.
“Should Giannis win the MVP again?” Rachel Nichols asks.
“Well, if your point guard is in-bounding himself the ball and averaging five assists per game, then yes he should. God bless Giannis.”
Bledsoe did not want to be in Phoenix and now Giannis is going to return the favor.
Jayson Tatum
(2018-2019)
79 GP - 3PA(3.9)- 3P%(.373)- TRB(6.0)- PTS(15.7)
(2019-2020)
15 GP - 20.5 PTS - 7 TRB - 2.5 AST
Kyrie is the crop duster leaving behind a nasty scent of abandonment. He is also the one who farted in the corner and then left the room. Walking back into the room with a humble and equally superior point guard in Kemba Walker is Jayson Tatum. With his numbers flexed and a season thrown under the bus and dragged for 216 miles, Tatum is back to business as the next superstar threat to gain an MVP chant before the last horn in a game. Playing in the East and racking up the wins, Tatum will have the stats to back the chants and also the real talk for runner up in the MVP race. When people look back at this year for Boston, it will be the year after Kyrie, and the growth of the Chosen One blossoming in the Garden.
Pascal Siakam
(2018-2019)
80 GP - 6.9 TRB - 3.1 AST - 16.9 PTS
(2019-2020)
15 GP - 8.5 TRB - 4.1 AST - 25.7 PTS
Kawaii Leonard overflowed the city of Toronto with joy winning them their first NBA title. Pascal Siakam’s game came quickly to notice in the NBA finals turning into a top MVP favorite this season. Leonard was a great husband. He took out the trash, mowed the grass, and picked up the girls from soccer practice, but then left the toilet seat up. What could have been if he just held the city of Toronto down, owning the East for the next five years? But how long can you be mad at Leonard? His legacy will be quickly flushed and forgotten by the soar of Siakam.
The city, the country, and the world expected a let down this year from the Toronto Raptors. Siakam proves this year from All-Star starter to Championship contender, that this year can be unclogged from tissues of excitement from the year before and turned into a new breath of fresh air.
Jimmy Butler
(2018-2019)
65 GP - 4 AST - 1.9 STL - 18.7 PTS
(2019-2020)
12 GP - 6.7 AST - 2.8 STL - 18.8 PTS
What do you want from me Jimmy Butler? The NBA has asked Jimmy this question year after year. Does he know what he wants? A worried mother wants what's best for her children. Adam Silva may of lost countless nights of sleep off-season after off-season wondering where Jimmy will end up and will he be happy this time?
You soon learn that after leaving his previous relationships, that Jimmy may have been right.
“But they looked so good together” or “they seemed so happy together” seems like the cliche thing to say from afar. After some time, you see that the 76ers and T-Wolves wasn't a great fit and Jimmy will be the man that may have left for the sexy bartender in Miami, but it was the right choice leading to late nights of body shots and morning after pills forgetting Jimmy Butler was this hell of a player.
Nikola Jokic
(2018-2019)
80 GP - 10.8 TRB - 7.3 AST - 20.1 PTS
(2019-2020)
14 GP - 9.5 TRB - 6.1 AST - 17.3 PTS
Nikola Jokic is his own mess to clean up. The potential is unknown because he lays in his own vomit writing again another novel short of a Nobel Prize. The outline is there and all he needs is brainstorming and forcing the pen on paper. The play on the court might be stuck together with gum but it still says “Congratulations- You are this years MVP”
Accepting his prize at the end of the year may result in runs down the left side of his leg, filling his shoes in a mucky mess. That is how Jokic likes it. He will fall asleep with a burrito in his mouth, but will surprise you when is putting his players in position taking steps to an NBA Championship.
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